NayG’s Boudoir

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know; maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What’s that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

What’s the point in having a heart if you’re not willing to use it in case you end up getting hurt?

—–

psh. bored.im babbling again

you have no idea
how free it is, how free
to be locked from the inside
cos all you’re thinking of is to
escape–

i’m imbued by strong emotions within me, coursing in record-speed time and i’m left breathless. i don’t seem to know how best to describe it in words cos my mind’s all jumbled up and messy. really messy.
when everything is just too fast
too profound
and it rips you off your soul

you’d just lay bare
motionless
and empty

yet everyone’s ahead
not looking back

but

you’re stuck with four walls
and the rocks within

i’d love to go to somewhere peaceful(cemetery, perhaps) and get everything sorted out. my priorities, my aims, my ambition, my wants, my desires, my life - they’re all so ambiguous and unclear, i don’t know where i’m heading to. maybe, that’s why i’m just shuffling along, getting to nowhere.

i guess there’s a certain phase of life when everything seems doubtful and vague, and you’re just floating along with the rest - cos everyone seems to be doing so. ah well ah well, maybe i think too much :/

but i am really, really dubious of what am i doing now. my perception of what lies ahead, the upcoming events and my future is so warped, it’s like i don’t feel i’m really facing up to this. willpower, determination? where art thou?

i have so much more to say, so much more to voice out. but i guess i’ll still have to sort it out myself eventually so what’s the point of ranting? i have to consistently convince myself to endure and it’ll all be worth it eventually.